Ups and Downs

It’s been a few weeks since I “quit” my job. I say that I gave soft notice and people ask what that means. What it means is that I’ve told them I’m not staying much longer and wrote all my reasons why in a formal email, but didn’t give an actual date of departure.

So here I am, without a job or a plan - having quit.

I took some time to celebrate the holidays with my family, and made a point during the inbetween days not to look for a job nor to worry about work - which mostly meant that I binge-watched all four seasons of Ozark and season two of Squid Game. All that shooting and death didn’t do much for my morale, and now here I am back at work, having to break the news to everyone that I’m not going to be here much longer - still, with no next job.

I waffle between three or four hours of feeling up, clear on my vision, excited about the unknown, sure in my decision to leave all things that were no longer serving me… and then five or six hours of feeling the supreme disappointment in what might have been and the raw feelings of trepidation and dispair at what look like bleak options for my next phase.